The power of surrender is a large subject to discuss. I'm not sure how to tackle the whole of it, but I had a simple reminder of it and I want to mention it.
Recently a friend told me about a situation he was upset about.
He felt like the situation he was in was unjust. If he were in charge he would have handled the situation and the people involved in a different way. In other words he was resisting reality.
He asked me what I thought about the situation and I acknowledged how upset he sounded but I also pointed out that he was suffering because he was letting himself be upset about something he had no control over. I wasn't going to feed the situation because I too had no control over it.
Something must have opened up for him because later on I saw him experiencing the outcome he was hoping to have, just maybe a different form of it.
Life is such a dance between will and surrender.
There is a time for willful action. In my friend's case, the only willful action he had available to him was quitting the situation entirely and I don't think he was interested in that. He could have tried conscious communication or metta as other forms of action. He did get upset and voice about his frustration which is a form of action. And I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet but maybe on some level he made the willful action of surrender.
The question itself can be the prayer or intention. So rather than feeling run down by a situation it can be empowering. I was talking to my teacher Richard Miller about a feeling of longing I was experiencing and he helped me identify it as longing and pointed out to me that the longing is my teacher and it's there for me to give voice to and experience. Much different than resisting or hiding in it or feeling victimized by it.
It's funny because I'm talking a lot about surrendering to life but at the same time how often have you heard someone feel so disempowered by life? "Why does this always happen to me?" "This has nothing to do with me!" "These people are against me!" "I'm always getting sick." So on one hand surrender is powerful, but it's surrender with awareness that's powerful. Awareness of resistance. Awareness of separation, which is the other thing that I would say causes suffering. As soon as I learned that every person is me, that every thing I saw in someone else is something I was actually seeing in myself, my suffering diminished considerably. These issues that we resist or feel separated by are opportunities to come back into flow and connection. Triggers are beautiful teachers. That thing that triggers you about that 'other' person, identify it! Give it a name. And consider, is that very thing something that I'm uncomfortable with in myself? Same goes for the things we love about other people. Identify that thing and acknowledge that you embody that very quality, so own it!
We are truly in power when we recognize how inherently connected everything is and simultaneously how little control we have.
Life isn't our enemy. Life presents to us what we're ready to work with and then we dance with it, surrendering into willful action, and making the willful act of surrender.
Resistance causes suffering. And consciously being with whatever there is to be with even if we don't like it, helps it move on. Maybe not the way we imagine, and often better than we could imagine.
Speaking of metta as a form of willful action I do recall a coworker who hated me! Wouldn't talk to me, interact with me or acknowledge me at all. There was no room to communicate about the issue. And it's not like I needed to be best friends or anything but I thought it was strange that such a block was present and it seemed so unnecessary. So there I was resisting reality. So after months of this I started giving metta (lovingkindness) to myself and him. Because it wasn't really about me or him, it was just the situation. Prayer doesn't have to be forced or doctrine based, it's just another way of interacting with reality. I let go of the outcome and the relationship and just channeled my energy into the metta instead. So that was a willful act of surrender. Pretty soon after, a couple of weeks or so, he started talking to me and soon after that would joke around at work with me.
Things like being grateful and metta are such a simple way of enhancing your own programming of reality. It's like saying, "I don't have to be in control of what's happening but I can remind myself when I'm grateful and that energy is available to me."
There are many versions of metta, but I like this simple one that I learned from Jurian Hughes back in 2008.
May I love myself with every breath I take.
May I know that I have everything I need.
May I be truly happy.
Saying it for self is the most important because people see themselves reflected through us. And our Self is all we see when we are seeing ourselves reflected in others. So start with self.
Then you can interchange the word "I" for whoever you'd like. Give everyone a turn if you feel like it. Mom, Dad, other family members, friends, enemies. When I say this metta for each person, I picture and feel the person and feel the connection we have. You can also expand this for the community you live in, or any community in the world and the world itself. It's a simple, expansive practice that makes me feel great. Try it for yourself and notice how it makes you feel.
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